My LinkedIn Profile Now Includes My Role as My Mom's Caregiver - But There's No "Career Gap"
Updated: Jun 10
I've been watching this show on Amazon Prime called "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel." It's about a 1950s housewife in New York City who discovers her talent for stand-up comedy and ends up becoming famous.
An episode I recently watched included Midge, the main character, reuniting with her college girlfriends. The group finds time capsule-like notes written to themselves before graduation.
Most of the notes said pretty standard things like "Travel the world!" or "Always stay true to yourself."
But Midge's ambiguous note simply says one word: Don't.
And I haven't been able to stop thinking about that.
In September 2021, I became the primary caregiver for my mom. She was officially diagnosed with late-stage Alzheimer's in 2020 but we (her children) had known about her condition for quite some time. {To those that have traveled or are currently traveling this journey - my heart truly goes out to you.}
Recently my mom's need for medical care and constant supervision became too great for me, so she's now safely living in a new home - a memory care facility that's close to me, my brother, and my sister. The transition has been difficult. There's been fear, sadness and guilt. And I'm now personally struggling with all the concepts you see posted on LinkedIn like finding work/life balance, purpose, and the so-called "return to work."
Yes, that was sarcasm. I often times find myself chuckling at the RTW discourse. I didn't return to any "office," per se. I didn't give up working on my freelance marketing business while taking care of my mom & kids, our home, our new vacation rental property, & myself. There's no real "return" to be made, right?
And that is exactly why I've decided to refuse any indication of a gap on my resume. I decided to try and bend without breaking. When you constantly see headlines like these...
More moms are leaving the workforce, but it’s not because they want to
Women are returning to (paid) work after the pandemic forced many to leave their jobs
Many women have left the workforce. When will they return?
...you just get completely confused.
Did I actually leave the workforce? Did I want to, need to, or have to? What people expect me to return? How? For what?
Forbes posted this article: "Caregiving Moms Lose Nearly $300,000 In Earnings Over A Lifetime, Report Says." It goes on to give this quote:
“Women spend invaluable time providing compassionate, dedicated care for their children and family members – and their reduced lifetime earnings because of it illustrates just how important solving the childcare crisis is,” said Congresswoman Susan Wild.
Another word to chuckle at here is this one: invaluable.
We as a society do not value caregiving or care workers. FULL STOP.
But in my experience, it is invaluable work. But not just to the care recipient. To the caregiver.
No amount of money could ever accurately quantify the personal value I obtained. Those precious memories? The smiles & laughs? The mom & daughter dance-offs in the car rides to my daughter's preschool? The trips to my son's soccer games? The daily lesson in patience? And in surrender?
The time with my mom that I will never get back? Priceless.
However, I can't ignore the fact that I had the privilege to do it all while I could thanks to a reliable and supportive partner. I love that I could do what I did for my mom, my children, my family, my clients, and most importantly - for myself.
But what about the people who can't?
Google defines the word "gap" as a break or an unfilled space or interval. Do you want to be the person that tells me that caregiving is a break? An unfilled space??
Don't.
I guess I really wrote this to, if for nothing else, force a conversation about the so-called workforce. Let's wake up.
This post is dedicated to my beautiful mom who was truly the ultimate caregiver.